ninquetari

Surprise! I'm back.

Or at least, back for a visit. Not that I ever really announced leaving, or consciously decided to leave. It just that life happens.

Almost three years passed since I was last active (not counting popping in for short visits). Three years. Seems like a long time when put this way, though during them it felt like no time at all. Many things happened these years. Thinking back while writing these words, I realize even more things happened than even I realized a moment ago. I went through tough times, struggled with myself, tried to keep head over water... and I am in a better place nowadays, no doubt; though the road never ends. Equilibrium is hard to get, and even more hard to keep. It is - I am - so fragile.

Jewish New Year is always a good time for reflection and decisions.

Last year I had no idea where I'm going career-wise. I still don't really know, but when I faced decision I chose a promotion at work to a more challenging job. Thankfully, when I look back now I think this is one of the best decisions I made (and I've made so many wrong ones along the way...). I learned A LOT during the last (almost) year, faced some great fears, went through stressing experiences and not only survived but found my way to cope (a bit) better.

Now I think I'm ready for a few more challenges. Maybe this year I'll find the right balance between work and hobbies (dA included). Maybe this year I'll face a few more inner demons, ones that I waited facing until after conquering others, more burning ones. Maybe this year I'll finally acquire the necessary skills of efficient time management.

Maybe this year I'll find an answer to the most important question I struggle with for a very long time: Purpose*. Or maybe I'll admit that I know my answer and will finally find the way, as well as the courage, to grow towards minimizing the cognitive dissonance I have.

* You're more than welcome to share your thoughts on the subject. While I'm not always comfortable continuing a long discussion, lacking the ability to express my thoughts coherently, afraid of facing some of my thoughts, or simply having no time to reply thoroughly, I DO want to read opinions. It usually helps me clear my own thoughts, bring new POVs, or confront me with things I missed\repressed.

Maybe this year I'll find the balance between focusing on me and focusing on others.

So, thank you. Whether you've read through or jumped to the end, whether you stuck with me and wondered how I'm doing or just popped in now, whether you comment or not. Thank you.

Many of you wrote about struggling, and I'd like to shout out my admiration for all of you who keep going. Also, sometimes it doesn't look like it or feel like it, but in the end I think all of us are struggling with things - some of them more dire than others, some of them not - but we're all human beings.

I wish you all a better year. May it be a year of achievements, of growing, of health, of friendships, of hope.

~Ninquetari

Dear Noldorin family,